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How a big-picture focus can save you money and time in divorce

In some ways, a divorce is like the end of the world for the people in the family. The future you all expected and planned for suddenly dissolves in front of your very eyes, and you will all need to adjust to a new reality, which may include new relationships and new homes. Whether you filed for divorce or responded to a filing by your spouse, strong emotions are common.

You may feel like every aspect of your life has begun to unravel. You may also find yourself unhealthfully focused on finding a way to punish your ex for the end of your marriage or to win in the divorce. While the little, petty victories people often seek can offer them short-term comfort from the pains of the end of a relationship, many of the things people focus on in the early stages of divorce really don't benefit them or their overall strategy.

You can wind up doing more emotional damage to yourself and your children and spending far more money on divorce then you want if you can't stay focused on the bigger picture of your life and family after divorce.

Scorched-earth approaches hurt everyone involved

Wanting to fight over every last cent or minute of parenting time and prove yourself as the right or victorious party in a divorce can mean extra days or even weeks in court, fighting over possessions that won't matter once the courts finalize the divorce.

No matter how acrimonious things become, the courts will still likely expect a shared custody outcome, and marital misconduct won't impact asset division. Instead of trying to find ways to punish and hurt your ex as much as possible, make your comfort and ability to move on after the divorce your primary focus.

Reducing how much money you spend and the emotional discomfort you experience during the divorce will make it infinitely easier for you to move on when all of the court hearings finally end.

Your children will benefit from a big-picture approach

Becoming antagonistic toward your ex may make you feel vindicated or more powerful in the moment, but it can make everything about your divorce harder in the long run. It will take much more energy for you and your ex to overcome the bad blood between you, to say nothing of the impact on the children of seeing their parents fight tooth and nail over every last detail.

When you start to focus more on minimizing the emotional impact and financial consequences of the divorce on you and the family as a unit, you create a situation in which your behavior reflects your priorities and what matters most in life.

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